Nikola Tesla discovered infinite energy from the vacuum of space, then his whole lab was shut down by the big wigs of the gasoline mafia and he died penniless and half insane in the New Yorker hotel, murmuring to a pigeon on his sill.
Then years later, Cern collided particles in search of the holy grail, the smallest pixel of the universe. “But it’s turtles all the way down!” An old woman shouted in the back of cosmology lecture- the world, she said, rests on the back of a giant tortoise. When the astronomer asked what the tortoise stands on, she replied: “You’re very clever, young man, very clever. But it’s turtles all the way down!”
Now we eat genetically modified bananas while petting glow in the dark cats under fluorescent LEDs, gazing into the abyss of our cellular screens- a mirror for the alter ego. The digital super self, Plato’s Cave of pixels, the Übermensch of the dark web. We have blue and red electrical wires instead of veins, bulbs for eyes, computer chips for brains, gasoline for blood and ones and zeros for genitalia. Welcome to the Electric Universe.
A nightmarish castle where toys come to life...Paris Hilton in the underworld... A virgin fingered by capitalism. So many blow up doll friends at the tea party, but the cucumber sandwiches and macaroons are plastic... The Girl Who Has It All is a love song written to Kim Kardashian. We wanted to write a song about the most perfect woman in the world and we came up with a few names: Margaret Thatcher, Daryl Hannah, Joan of Arc, Anne Frank, Countess Bathory, Aretha Franklin, Mary Jo Kopechne and Stormy Daniels to name a few but realized Kim really had it all. Better than having it all, what she didn’t have she could buy. Move over Rosa Parks, sit down Susan B…we wrote this for the woman who wrote “Selfish: The Selfies of Kim Kardashian” as well as the long awaited “Selfish: The Selfies of Kim Kardashian with MORE ME!” We hope you enjoy it as much as she enjoys herself.
Science teachers are feeding puppies to snapping turtles. Kim Jong discovered an ancient unicorn lair. Fake news is reality. Vietnam is just a distant dream, as still active landmines slowly corrode in the tall grass and wait for a tourist to wander across their trigger, like generation Z waits for an event to give purpose to their benumbed existence. Our parents watched the moon landing, we watched Britney Spears shave her head. No one is a virgin anymore... long live the webcam!
Nuclear rockets have been launched. We have approximately 3 minutes before they land and blow up the entire planet... How will you spend those last 3 minutes?! Watching Uni’s Mushroom Cloud video of course! See how an atomic sex drive launches an orgy of phalluses into an orgasmic glitter apocalypse, while Uni rock out during a concert to end all civilization until their faces literally melt. Special thanks to North Korea...
Harvey Weinstein! Bill O’Reilly! Woody Allen! Kevin Spacey! Louis C.K.!
Masturbating into potted plants to fill the headlines. Sexual predators are being named and shamed like never before and the alarm for proper sexual conduct is being sounded nationwide. Except in porn. Vice becomes virtue. The casting couch is exalted. Debasement is paramount. It’s an upside down world of morality that is on the rise. Once a part of life that few people talked about now it’s simply a part of life.
‘Adult Video’ is the story of a young person who thrusts themselves crotch first into the pixelated, streamy world of porn. Ejaculating into the orgiastic lifestyle of the id and paying the ultimate price. But, like every classic tragedy, they grip onto the one and only silver lining of being on that silver screen: “I’m the star of the show, in my adult video…"
What's the problem? Is it politics? Is it church? Is it McDonald's? Is it sex? Is it public school? Is it your mother? Is it global warming? Is it a secret shame, a private humiliation you try to forget but it follows you everywhere like a shadow self?
The squeakiest wheel gets the oil then the most powerful voice gets it's tongue cut out. They keep you in cul-de-sac coffins with bibles, pills and liquor cabinets and call them 'good homes'.
Poltergeists are said to be most common in homes with teenage girls... televisions exploding from the overcharged hormones... This video is a S+M suburban daydream, with domestic servitude and fetishizing of 50's household products. Yes, we treat objects like women.
Just keep smiling whatever you do. Your mascara might run...but you can’t.
(background photo by Shayne Hanley)